Friendship and Community

Everyone desires to know others and to be known. It is wired in our DNA. Yet, it is much easier for some to accomplish this goal than others. Sometimes, we meet people and instantly we feel some kind of connection that blossoms quickly into friendship. Other times we meet someone and over a long period of time a friendship slowly begins to form. Have you ever examined a friendship and wondered where was the point in time that this person went from being just an acquaintance to being a friend? What caused that friendship to blossom? Sometimes it is just being together and realizing you really enjoy each other’s company. Other times it may be a shared experience that bonded you together. As Suzanne shared at the huddle, it may even be a result of God telling you to spend time with someone you are not really excited about getting to know. However, over time you begin to accept the person for where they are today and believe in them for what they can become which is the bridge to friendship and love.

When my husband and I decided to lead a couples’ lifegroup we were so excited about meeting new people and developing friendships. The first meeting we expected 7 couples. I spent the afternoon baking and cooking. The house was clean, candles were lit, and the presentation of food looked and smelled great. Soft music was playing in the background and we knew it was going to be a great night. Ten minutes after the announced starting time the first couple finally arrived. They planned to arrive late because they did not want to be the first people there. We struggled through small talk and were relieved when the second couple arrived. The wife was charming but the husband hardly said a word. The first guy became more and more socially awkward as the time ticked by. No more couples ever arrived that evening. Over time we gained an odd assortment of people. Everyone was nice but the group definitely had not jelled. I talked one of the women into being care champion and prayed the social would help the group click. When she told me she wanted to plan a bowling night, I admit I was skeptical. I just couldn’t imagine this group of people wanting to bowl, but her enthusiasm was contagious and honestly I was just thankful I didn’t have to plan it. Amazingly, we had a ball. The most experienced bowler who looked great throwing the ball had more gutters than anyone. To his utter amazement, the woman who was afraid to break a nail and whose ball barely made it to the pins kept getting strikes and her cheerleader jump and squeal was almost as funny as the guy’s bewilderment when she got a turkey. As we joked and laughed people’s walls came down. Everyone had so much fun we bowled an extra game and at the end of the night people hugged good bye and their excitement about next week’s group was evident. It was the turning point of our relationships and opened the door for community to flourish. A core of us stayed together over the next 3 years. We celebrated pregnancies, mourned miscarriages, prayed for jobs and illnesses, and created some beautiful memories. However, nothing compared to the joy we all felt when one of the guys announced he had finally accepted Christ. John Ortberg states, “to experience community is to know the joy of belonging, the delight at being known and loved, the opportunity for giving and growing, the safety of finding a true home.” Although it was a rocky start, I think we would all agree it was well worth the risk!